All that's Left
by libgalww
Summary: Faith deals with traumatic memories while she attends a NYPD graduation cermony.


All that's Left  
  
Disclaimer: Everyone knows I don't own any of these fine characters much to their relief. The Mayors and Commissioner Speeches were taken from an actual speech given by Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani in October of 2000.   
  
Warning: This is not a happy story. I repeat this is not a happy story. I have actually killed off a major character. So if that bothers you please back out now and go read something else. If anyone is familiar with my stories I have just about done everything to Bosco expect kill him so I decided that was the next logical step.   
  
Note: I want to thanks Codes, if it wasn't for her convincing me that I could actually do something like this to my favorite character I wouldn't have had the nerve to write this in the first place. And another than-you to Angie for the wonderful praise and keeping me   
  
More Notes: I started this story in September. Real life and my desire to get it right turned this into an obsession. So any feedback good or bad is appreciated. I avoided any stories that were similar so if this comes close to anyone's stories, I'm sorry and I just say maybe we were on the same wave length. I have decided to keep Bosco's mom as Angela and not Rose because it was written that way before 'Firestarter'. Also Sgt. Cruz never existed.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
*Dress Uniforms and New Friends*  
  
  
  
Faith stood in front of the mirror and studied her image. Her dress uniform was a little snug but she still looked good in it. On closer inspection she realized it looked brand new although it was over ten years old. She knew she was fortunate that it still looked new and she hadn't had very many opportunities to wear it. Because tears accompanied her dress uniform many more times than smiles had.  
  
Faith shook her head trying to drive away the memory of the last time less than a year ago when she had stood in front of this mirror and looked at herself in her dress uniform. She swallowed hard and took a deep breath, bit her lip, and tried unsuccessfully to shove the sudden flash of staring into the mirror and being unable to stop the tears that flowed down her cheeks to the back of her mind.  
  
This time her dress uniform was being worn to a celebration. She would wear it to the Academy Graduation Ceremony and welcome Millie into the ranks. It seemed strange to officially invite her into the police community. She had been folded into their family at first because of her link to the sudden loss of one of their own then because somehow she was always there to give support to anyone who asked for it even when they didn't ask.  
  
She let her breath out slowly as she thought about that day not quite a year ago when she had first meet the strong willed young woman. It was amazing that Millie had become so important to her in such a short amount of time but now it seemed like she had known her forever.   
  
Meeting Millie was the one thing from that day that Faith liked to remember. She often found herself thinking back to that first meeting in roll call. If only she could convince her mind that the events of that day ended right after that meeting. But her brain refused to obey her wishes and once the images begun she couldn't stop them no matter how much she tried. Every time the images started in her head they would consume her as if she was back in the moment.   
  
She had told Fred and some of the others about her episodes as she began to call them. But she never told anyone about the vivid detail that she was bombarded with or the desperation for the images to end differently. She was trapped in that day until they played out.  
  
She never seemed to relive the day the same way twice. Sometime it was a quick flash, just enough to get her heart beating fast; other times she would end up in tears trying to figure out what she could have done in those few seconds to change everything.   
  
When they started she never knew if she would be subjected to the short or epic version of the nightmare. The only thing that never changed was the outcome.  
  
Faith closed her eyes and the day started playing in her mind just like it had hundred of times before, so innocently, at first.  
  
*******************************  
  
Faith lowered herself into one of the chairs just as Christopher strode into the room. She saw him glance around the room at each person seated in front of him then back at her. He was looking for Bosco. Faith shrugged her shoulders and glanced out the door toward the locker room where she had seen him rushing to change.  
  
"All right, everyone let's get started. We have a couple of alerts from this morning that are still priority but nothing…"  
  
Christopher had stopped talking and was looking at the back of the room. She turned and saw Bosco trying to slip into the room unnoticed. He looked up to see most of the heads in the room looking at him. She bit back a laugh as he reddened slightly then grinned broadly as he waved at everyone in the room. Christopher huffed and then continued his briefing. Bosco gave her a wink as he sat down beside her.   
  
Just as Christopher was finishing Lieutenant Swersky opened the door and stepped into the room followed by a young woman dressed in jeans and an NYPD windbreaker. Christopher stepped away from the podium and Swersky stepped up.   
  
"I wanted to introduce everyone to Millicent Stallard; she will be joining Yokas and Boscorelli tonight on a civilian ride along. That's it, everyone is dismissed."  
  
A few cops said hi and a few nodded at the stranger as they stood up and filed out of the room.  
  
Where did this come from? Faith swiveled her head sideways to look at Bosco. He looked surprised and more than a little annoyed.  
  
She hated ride-alongs and knew that her partner hated them more. He said it was because he didn't like someone looking over his shoulder. She knew it had more to do with the fact that he would have to behave himself in the car.   
  
She stood and made her way to the front of the room where Christopher was standing with a smug grin on his face. Swersky motioned with his hand for Christopher to take Millicent outside. Then he looked down at the folder on the podium in front of him and waited.  
  
Faith nodded to Millicent as she passed her and turned to look at Bosco who hadn't moved from his chair. But the look on his face told them all exactly what he thought of the announcement.   
  
Swersky waited until the room was empty then looked up at Faith.  
  
"Lieutenant," Bosco said from behind her before she even had a chance to open her mouth.  
  
Swersky shook his head slightly. "I don't want to hear one word from either of you."  
  
"But Sir," Faith started.  
  
He gave her a stern look and she shut her mouth. He looked at her for another second then turned his attention to Bosco. "This has nothing to do with me. I got this handed to me so I'm handing it to you. Don't think for one second that I think this is a good idea."   
  
"Why us?" Bosco asked.  
  
Swersky sighed and ran his hand through his hair before answering. "Her grandfather was a New York Senator and happens to be a close personal friend of the Governor of this state. The Governor told the Commissioner that his good friend the Senator was concerned because recently his granddaughter, apparently his only granddaughter, informed him that she was not going to follow her father and grandfather off to Harvard to become a lawyer. She said that she was going to forget law school and become a New York City police officer."  
  
Swersky paused and glanced back at Faith then locked his stare somewhere behind her on Bosco. He continued his story in a low monotone that had Faith believe that his words to them now had been the exact words recited to him sometime earlier.  
  
"Needless to say this decision really upset her grandfather. So the Governor suggested that she be given a taste of the life, he suggested a ride-along. Then afterwards those police officers should strongly suggest that if she felt she had to serve the people of this state that she would have a more enjoyable time doing it from behind a desk with a diploma from Harvard on the wall."  
  
Faith heard Bosco snort from behind her. "And Daddy thinks that's safer?"  
  
Faith stifled her own laugh when she saw the look on Swersky's face. But the look didn't stop Bosco as he continued to laugh as he got out of his chair and came up to stand beside her.   
  
Faith gave Bosco a sideways glance and asked, "Why did you decide we were a good choice for this?"   
  
Swersky glared at her then said, "The Commissioner told her grandfather that I was pairing her with the finest and safest unit I had."  
  
"How come I think you are talking about someone else?" Bosco asked.  
  
"Because I was, I had planned to send her out with Sullivan and Davis."  
  
"So what changed your mind?" Faith asked.  
  
"When Millicent arrived tonight she told me that she wanted to ride with the two cops that had been interviewed on the news a couple of weeks ago. She told me that she had been so impressed by what they did and how they had saved that little boy from that insane criminal."  
  
Swersky gave Faith a hard stare then took a step toward Bosco. Faith locked her eyes straight ahead when she saw that Swersky was in Bosco's face glaring at him. He didn't say anything for a full second then he continued his instructions through clenched teeth.   
  
"I'm going to say this nice and slow. You are to rouse hookers, give parking tickets or find a bingo game and help the old ladies across the street. That's it. You are not going to answer any calls that even hint dangerous. If she comes back in here with so much as a stubbed toe you two will not know what hit you." Swersky paused and Faith prayed silently that Bosco would play it smart and keep his mouth shut. After another few seconds of silence Swersky continued again.  
  
"When you come back from your slow, uneventful shift I will take over and persuade her that she really should go back to the Ivy League and leave us working stiffs alone. Do I make myself clear, Officer Boscorelli?"  
  
Faith heard Bosco shuffle his feet slightly beside her then clear his throat. "Crystal, Sir."  
  
Swersky stepped back from Bosco and turned to look at Faith and she nodded to him. "Yes Sir."  
  
He stared at them for a moment longer then turned and stalked from the room muttering under his breath.  
  
Faith turned to look at Bosco. He had a grin on his face and his eyes were already dancing with plans that she didn't even want to think about. She raised her finger and pressed it into his chest a couple of times. "Don't you dare screw up tonight. If you don't care enough about your hide think about me. I've got two kids to put through college much less feed," she hissed at him.   
  
Bosco looked as if he was going to say something then put up his hand in a surrender gesture as he closed his mouth and nodded. "Okay, Faith, for you. I'll be on my best behavior."  
  
He brought a hand up to rub his chest and then stepped past her and headed for the door.  
  
"That's what I'm afraid of," she muttered to herself as she followed him into the hall. "You know, Bosco, if she was so impressed with tales of your heroics on that interview, good thing she wasn't there afterwards when you turned on what you call charm and hit on that reporter. Boy, did she smack you down hard." Faith grinned at his back as they stepped from the room into the hallway.  
  
Bosco turned and gave her a dirty look just as they both heard a chuckle from near the door. They both turned to see Millicent Stallard smiling at them with a twinkle in her eye.  
  
"Oh, but I did hear all about it from a friend of mine that interns for her. You wouldn't believe how much pleasure your actions brought to the lives of the little people that work at the station. You were all they talked about the rest of the day and it drove her nuts by the way. So I just knew anyone that had the balls to hit on that ice queen was someone I just had to meet."  
  
Faith burst out laughing and Millicent joined her as they both watched Bosco's face and ears go pink.  
  
"Well nice to meet you, Millicent. I'm Faith and you can call Casanova here Bosco," Faith said as she grinned and put out her hand.  
  
Millicent took Faith's hand and shook it. "Call me Millie; it's nice to meet you too. I hate Millicent. The only person that calls me that is my grandfather." Then she grinned at Bosco. "Bosco, okay. First name issues, too, huh? So I guess your mom didn't like you much either. If you still want a date with that reporter I might be able to work something out but it will cost you."  
  
Faith ducked her head and coughed to hide the grin that sprung to her lips as Bosco turned an even deeper shade of red and backed away from them muttering something about picking up their radios for the shift.  
  
Faith immediately liked Millie and it hadn't taken much longer for Bosco to come around and begin to feel the same way.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
*Support and Close Calls*   
  
  
  
"You look nice"  
  
The voice startled Faith back into the present  
  
She turned to see Fred standing in the doorway in his blue suit with an unknotted tie hung loosely around his neck. She gave him a questioning look and he returned it with a tight-lipped smile and a small shrug of his shoulders.  
  
"I told the boss that I needed the afternoon off, I thought…I would go with you." He dipped his head slightly then said softly, "Moral support."  
  
Faith stepped to him and expertly tied his tie. When she was finished she smoothed the fabric down and rested her hand on his chest as she looked up at him and smiled. "Thank-you," she said quietly.  
  
He nodded then reached up and straightened the new Sergeant's insignia on her collar. "You don't regret getting these do you?"  
  
She knew he still thought he was the one that had pushed her into taking the test six months ago. But she had been happy when her promotion came and got off the streets and behind a desk. Before the promotion she knew it would never be the same. She had been jumpy and overcautious but most of all she realized she didn't enjoy doing the job anymore.   
  
She had found herself partnered with rookies which she ended up frightening. She wasn't any better with the seasoned cops who either felt sorry for her or she ended up pissing off by the end of the shift.   
  
"Hey, I told you before that I wanted this. Besides I talked to Sully the other day and he said that Davis was still concerned that I would somehow have to ride with him again one day. I was driving them all crazy. I can't be sure but I think near the end they were drawing straws to see who would have to ride with me."  
  
"I'm just happy that you're safe every night."  
  
Safe, she said to herself and then took a deep breath to force herself to calm down.  
  
He stared at her for a moment then cocked his head toward the door. "We better get going, you don't want to be late."  
  
Faith nodded and followed him out to the truck. She got in the passenger side and settled back into the seat. Neither of them said a word as he pulled out into traffic  
  
After a few minutes Fred began to talk about the baseball game that had been on the night before. She didn't respond; she didn't think he was expecting her to.  
  
She was surprised he had decided to come. When she had mentioned it last month he had just shrugged. She hadn't pushed.  
  
He really had been great this past year even better than she thought he would have been. But he wasn't a part of her five-five family. She knew it, he knew it, they all did. She knew he sometimes felt just on the outside of conversations when she was with Sully or Doc and the conversations turned to the past. They talked about times and memories that they shared and he didn't.   
  
She didn't mean to leave him out of a part of her life but it was just the way it was. Neither of them would be able to change it so they just ignored it.  
  
They came to an intersection where a cop was standing in the street directing traffic around an accident. As they passed Faith stared at the bored look on the young cop's face and felt powerless as she was pulled back into her memories.  
  
****************************  
  
Faith raised her hand up to stop the line of cars while the tow truck with the barely recognizable civic hooked to it pulled away from the curb and into the busy street.  
  
She turned to check on Bosco and Millie. They were standing in the middle of the street and from the looks of it, she was directing traffic while he entertained her with some of their more interesting calls.   
  
He had begun to tell her about some of their calls shortly after they had got in the car and pulled away from the house. Faith didn't think that highlighting some of their most exciting and funny arrests was a good way to get Millie primed for the 'Police work is  
a horrible thing' speech that Swersky was probably writing right that minute but then she really didn't care that much either so she had sat back and listened.  
  
As soon as the tow truck was clear Faith turned and headed back to the squad. A fine mist of rain had started and she realized she was starting to get a little soggy. Just as she got to the squad someone's horn blared behind her and she turned to see Bosco lunging at Millie.   
  
Faith saw a red flash from the corner of her eye and took off at a run. A red truck had slammed on its brakes and was sliding sideways straight at Bosco and Millie. Bosco grabbed Millie and flung them both out of the way just in time. The truck managed to stop its slide without hitting anything and Faith waved angrily at the driver to move as she ran around him to find Bosco and Millie.  
  
They were struggling to their feet when Faith got around the truck. Bosco had his feet under him and was almost up so Faith grabbed onto Millie's arm and helped the girl stand the rest of the way up. "Are you okay?" she asked. Faith checked her for any injuries. Millie looked a little ashen but seemed okay. When she was done Faith gave a huge sigh and Millie just shook her head and smiled.   
  
"I'm okay too, really I'm fine," Bosco grunted from behind her. "Oh, wait, I got blood here on this elbow, but I'm good really."   
  
Faith turned to look at Bosco. He had his elbow bent up and was blowing on a small scrap on his elbow. He looked up at them with his bottom lip poked out in a pout.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry, Boz, let me kiss it and make it all better," Faith started toward him with her lips puckered and he backed away quickly and threw his hands up in the air between them.  
  
"No way, get away from me."  
  
Faith and Millie laughed as Bosco scowled, shook his head, and turned back to the traffic in the street.   
  
"Are we finally finished?" Millie asked as she dusted off her jeans.  
  
"All but the paperwork," Faith answered. "Time to go get something to eat."  
  
Millie groaned and pointed toward Bosco. "Does he know that?"  
  
Faith turned and saw a beefy man was out of his little yellow car and standing toe to toe with Bosco. But the beefy man towered over him by at least two feet. They were both yelling at each other at the top of their lungs. Faith rolled her eyes, turned, and jogged toward them. Millie was close behind as they came to a stop beside Bosco.  
  
"I told you to get back into your car!"  
  
"Who is going to make me, you?"  
  
"Make you. I'll make sure you never…"  
  
Faith jumped between the two just as another RMP pulled up. Sully and Davis jumped out to help. She shoved Bosco backward away from the guy. She propelled him the rest of the way across the street as Millie threw up her hands to stop any cars. When they were close to the squad she pointed to the passenger side. "Get in the car."  
  
Bosco huffed once, glanced at Millie and then walked to the passenger side of the squad and got in, slamming the door behind him. Faith pointed to the back seat and Millie gave her a small innocent smile before she got in too.  
  
Sully got to her just as she was pulling open the door to get in herself.  
  
"What was that about?" Sully said as he jerked his hand toward his squad where Davis was pushing the beefy guy in the back seat of their car.  
  
"It's been a long day."   
  
"It's only been four hours, Faith"  
  
Only four hours. She sighed and gestured to the now screaming man in the back of Sully's car. "Why don't you just let him go after we get out of here."  
  
Sully waved his hand at her as she pulled open the door and settled behind the wheel. She glanced at Bosco who was drumming his fingers on the door handle and trying to ignore her.   
  
"That was fun," Millie said from the backseat when no one answered her she cleared her throat and tried again. "You did say something about food didn't you?"   
  
Faith looked up into the review mirror and saw Millie staring back at her with a grin on her face.  
  
Bosco began to giggle beside her. She sighed and rolled her eyes as muffled laughter came from the backseat. It's like having toddlers, she thought as she pulled from the curb.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
*Apologies and Choices*  
  
  
  
"Faith, did you hear me?"  
  
Faith turned from the window and looked at Fred. He had pulled into the spot an attendant had pointed him to and was turning the truck's ignition off.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
Fred rubbed his forehead then waved his hand in the direction of Madison Square Gardens some distance away. "This place is packed; did O'Sullivan tell you where to meet him?"  
  
Faith nodded. "The right of the stage, he said that our seats were in section fifty-seven."  
  
They got out of the car and filed behind the rest of the crowd on their way into the Garden. Most of the people shuffling along with them held flowers and cards. There were some cops in uniform here and there but most were mothers and fathers or wives and kids of the 900 new officers that were about to graduate and become police officers of New York City.  
  
"Must be a whole lot of new cadets huh?" Fred asked   
  
"Yeah, Millie told me there were nine hundred."  
  
"Wow, that's a lot of new cops. Must be a lot of empty positions to…" Fred voice trailed off.   
  
Faith looked over at him and saw the pained looked on his face at what he had almost said. She tried to smile but failed so she just took his hand and squeezed it. "It's okay, Fred, really."  
  
Fred bit his bottom lip for a second then they continued up the walk toward the huge building in silence. "You sure you're feeling alright?"   
  
"Yeah," she shrugged.   
  
"You just seem quiet today, graduation ceremony's not the only thing on your mind, huh?"  
  
Faith nodded her head but didn't say anything as they continued up the crowded sidewalk with the crowd of happy and excited strangers pressing in around them.  
When they got inside they had to push their way through the crowds of very young cadets beaming at cameras and their relatives to reach the stairs.  
  
They found the section easily enough and spotted Sully quickly. He was standing in the isle tugging on the collar of his uniform and looking amused about something near the stage. Faith glanced at the stage and saw Millie standing in the middle of a crowd of young cadets that she was ignoring because she was beaming up at Davis. Who was from the looks of it, filling her in on the details of his adventures from the night before.  
  
When Faith got close enough to Sully, she gestured toward the empty stage and tipped her head at the two. Sully laughed then turned to look at her.  
  
"The poor guy hasn't a clue to what he's getting himself into with that one."  
  
Faith smiled then shook her head at him as she raised both hands palm up in surrender. She wasn't about to try and defend or apologize for Millie's dating strategies.  
  
Sully pointed to their seats. Faith looked down and saw that the first row had signs taped over the backs of the seats that read 'Reserved 55th'.  
  
Half the isle was already filled with cops. A couple from different shifts that Faith only vaguely recognized but the majority were fellow officers from her shift, including Lieutenant Swersky and Captain Stick. Faith also picked out Kim, Jimmy, Doc, Alex and  
Carlos. Sully indicated a seat on the aisle to Faith. She nodded at him and sat while Sully and Fred stood in the isle behind her and chatted.  
  
Doc leaned across the seats toward her and motioned to the seat next to him "Do we need to save one for Mrs. Boscorelli?"  
  
"No," Faith said. "When I talked to her last week she said she didn't want anything to do with the City of New York, thank you very much. She told me she likes it in Vegas and will never step foot in the city again."  
  
"Can't blame her really, I mean how long after Bosco did she lose umm…"  
  
"Mikey, he overdosed three months later," Sully answered from behind her.  
  
Doc nodded and turned an apologetic look on Faith. Everyone seemed to be doing that lately and it was really starting to annoy her. At least that look was better than the one of pity it had replaced some time ago.  
  
When it looked like he was about to ask another question, Faith threw up one finger and motioned up the stairs toward the ladies room. Faith knew she was running but didn't care. She was starting to think that maybe she should have found a way out of this just like Angela had.   
  
Faith stepped into the restroom and squeezed to the side of the waiting line to the line of empty sinks. She leaned against a sink as she checked herself in the mirror and frowned at the small dark splotches under her eyes. That's what you get for not getting any sleep. She dug into her purse to find her concealer. She dabbed the concealer under her eyes and blended it in. She reached for the knob and didn't realize she had frozen as she touched the knob and glanced at the young cadet beside her apply lip-gloss to her lips.  
  
************************************  
  
Faith stepped to the sink and turned the knob as Millie came into the bathroom.  
  
"I was sent on a mission to see if you were alive or not," she said with a smile on her face.  
  
Faith looked at her watch. "I've only been in here four minutes. I told him I was going to call home and see how Charlie was feeling."  
  
Millie shrugged then reached up and released her hair from her pony-tail then she bent forward and shook her hair vigorously. Faith finished with her hands and turned the water off and reached for a paper towel. Millie ran her fingers through her hair then flipped her head back up and tried to pull her hair back up into the neat ponytail.   
  
Millie looked at Faith and smiled around the blue hair twist that she had clutched in her teeth. She wiggled her nose and then made a small 'go ahead' gesture with her chin.  
  
"What?"  
  
Millie pulled the twist from her teeth and expertly wrapped it around the tight clump of hair. She snorted at Faith then made the gesture again with her hand.  
  
"This is the moment you are supposed to ask me why a nice rich kid like me wants to be a cop."  
  
"I am?" Faith asked innocently.  
  
Millie rolled her eyes and then turned and pulled herself up on the counter so she could look down at Faith.  
  
"I know you are dying to know, so why hasn't either of you asked?"   
  
"Manners," Faith said as she crumpled the paper towel and threw it in the can beside the sink.   
  
Millie frowned at her and shook her head. "Well whatever the reason I'm glad you haven't asked. Everyone that knows about my decision has badgered me about it. My father is horrified with the idea. Every time I bring it up he gets this distressed look on his face and refuses to talk about it. Gramps thinks it's a phase, like when I was ten and decided that I wanted to be a clown. I know the reason he set up this little ride along. He probably has some horrible speech lined up afterward trying to force me to see the many flaws of my new career choice."  
  
Faith couldn't help but smile as the thought of Swersky's lecture popped into her head. Millie groaned and leaned back into the wall.  
  
"I'm right, that Lieutenant is going to ambush me when we get back with a lecture and horror stories and twenty reasons why I should go to law school like a good little girl."  
  
"Let's just say my advice is to end your shift outside the House," Faith said helpfully. "So your father and grandfather pretty much hate the idea of having a cop in the family, what about your mother, how does she feel?"  
  
Millie rolled her head sideways to stretch her neck then shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. My mother died when I was two."  
  
Faith grimaced. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have…"  
  
Millie reached out a hand and touched Faith's hand briefly. "Hey that's okay, I mean you didn't know and it was a long time ago. I've spent my life between Dad's and Gramp's houses. I know they both love me but they really don't take me very seriously. Sometimes I think that I remind them too much of my mom." Millie looked away from Faith and down at her hands.  
  
"They are both way too serious. My mom was the emotional one in the family; I don't think they knew what to do with a girl." Millie sighed deeply.   
  
Faith leaned against the counter and looked at Millie. She was young and pretty. She really did have the opportunity to be anything she wanted to be. Millie wasn't like her kids; she didn't have to worry about not having money for college or not having the right connections. The young lady in front of her could have chosen anything she wanted and she had chosen one of the roughest jobs out there. Why?  
  
"Millie, what's the real reason you told your grandfather you wanted to be a cop?"  
  
Millie looked down at her and grinned. "Because he told me that I would never be able to do it."  
  
Faith gave her the disapproving looks that she normally only reserved for Bosco. "I don't think that's a very good reason to ditch the nice and might I say profitable law career."  
  
Millie pressed her lips together for a second then chuckled. "You sound like Gramps. I know this seems crazy but I have been thinking about this for quite awhile and I think I could make more of a difference here helping people than I every could as a political puppet. I just want a chance. "  
  
Faith gave her a smile and a short nod. "Well you already sound like a cop I know."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah you do. I also think that we better get out there before my partner eats all of our food."  
  
Millie jumped down from the counter and headed toward the door. Faith followed her out and down the short hallway to their table just beyond the counter.  
  
Bosco was blowing on a cup of steaming coffee when they sat down. His plate was almost empty and he looked at them as they sat down across from him. "I thought you were hungry, what did you do, fall in?"  
  
"You have no room to talk, mister I'll see you in half an hour."  
  
Bosco grinned at her then turned to Millie. "So what do you think so far?"  
  
Faith picked up her chicken sandwich and took a small bite as Bosco picked through the fries on the plate in front of him and waited for his answer.  
  
"It's not really what I expected," Millie said as she stabbed a tomato with her fork.   
  
"What were you expecting?" he asked.  
  
Millie shrugged his shoulders then smiled up at Bosco. "I don't know, but I like it."  
  
Bosco pursed his lips and bobbed his head a couple of times. He grabbed another fry and popped it into his mouth Faith knew that he had gotten the answer he wanted to hear.   
  
"So have you two been partners long?" Millie asked.  
  
Bosco looked up at Faith and swallowed a fry. "Yeah, ten years, right, Faith?"  
  
Faith nodded her head. "It's only been ten years? You know sometimes it feels a whole lot longer."   
  
"But you would never think about trading me in for a new model would you?" He said with a mischievous grin.  
  
Faith groaned and looked over at Millie who was smiling at them. "See what I have to put up with?" Then she turned back to Bosco. "I guess I'm stuck with you, happy?"  
  
"Oh admit it you wouldn't know what to do if I wasn't around to screw up your day," Bosco said with a satisfied grin.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
*Lies and Partners*   
  
  
  
"Ma'am."  
  
Faith blinked several times before she realized the Cadet beside her was looking at her with a questioning look on her face. She shook her head and then stepped back so the Cadet could step around her and leave. She waited until she was gone before she let out a long quivering breath and looked at her reflection in the mirror.  
  
Her face was pale but she felt hot. She reached over, pulled a paper towel from the holder, as she turned on the faucet. She ran the towel under the cool water for a second then squeezed it and wiped her forehead lightly with it and then closed her eyes.  
  
"Faith?"   
  
Faith opened her eyes and looked into the mirror to see Millie standing behind her, clutching her hat and looking at her anxiously. Faith smiled up at her, reached to the knob, and turned the water flow off. She then turned and leaned on the counter so she could look at Millie.  
  
"Looks good on you," she told her.  
  
Millie looked confused for a second then waved her hand in the direction of her uniform. "Thanks but you've seen it before. Are you okay?"  
  
Faith nodded her head a little too quickly and was rewarded with a frown from the young woman. She sighed loudly and took a couple steps toward her until she was standing right in front of her.  
  
"You're a horrible liar, you know that?"  
  
Faith raised her chin to look at Millie and forced a smile to her lips. Millie had the uncanny ability to see through Faith no matter what. "I use to be a great liar."  
  
"Not about this."  
  
"I'm just having one of those days," she said quietly.  
  
Millie pursed her lips and then turned to lean on the counter beside Faith. They both stood silent for a few seconds then Faith turned to look at her. Her head was tilted back and she was looking at the tiles above their heads. Then she lowered her chin and looked intently at Faith. "Me too, I can't seem to get him out of my head today."   
  
They both looked at each other silently then Faith pushed herself off the counter and headed toward the door.   
  
"Faith?"  
  
Faith turned to look back at Millie.   
  
"Do you think I'm going to be a good cop?"  
  
Faith couldn't help the smile that spread across her face. "You're going to be a great cop, Millie. But if you don't get going and get in your seat you aren't going to get a chance to prove me right."  
  
Millie smiled then pushed herself off the counter and stepped toward the door. When she was standing next to Faith she stopped and examined her closely.   
  
"What?"  
  
Millie chewed on her bottom lip for a second then shook her head. "Nothing."  
  
"Well, get going girl."  
  
Faith watched Millie take off running down the stairs and then returned to her seat. Davis was now back in his seat next to Sully. Fred was in the seat next to Sully and next to him was her empty aisle seat.   
  
She sat down and brushed off Fred's question about 'Where were you" and scanned the now full stage for familiar faces.  
  
Two chairs were centered on stage and Faith recognized Mayor Bloomberg and Police Commissioner Howard instantly. To there left and slightly back sat three cadets in chairs. Toward the back of the Stage sat several men and women, all in Police uniforms, most likely the Academy instructors Faith thought. On the right side of the stage three chairs were lined up close to Bloomberg.   
  
One face was familiar and it took Faith a few minutes to realize that she was staring at Senator Allen, Millie's grandfather. The two other men sitting next to him she recognized as the Chief of Department and the Chief of Patrol  
  
Faith took a deep even breath to calm the butterflies that were flinging themselves around in her stomach and turned her attention from Senator Allen to Commissioner Howard who was now standing in front of the mike and waiting for the crowd to quiet.  
  
"I would like to welcome everyone to the Graduation Ceremonious for our Policy Academy class of 2004."  
  
Cheers and applause irrupted from the crowd. Commissioner Howard waited with a huge smile on his face until the applause died down then he continued.  
  
"Today we celebrate eight months of hard work and intensive preparation on the part of our graduates, who stand ready to begin one of the world's most demanding careers. Tomorrow these newest members of New York's Finest will head out to the streets of New York City and pursue the challenge of making the safest City in America even safer."  
  
Faith glanced at Fred but he was staring at the stage. She was about to turn back and look at the stage when she saw Sully lean back and look at her. He gave her a tight smile and a small nod. She smiled at him then turned back to look at the stage but realized it wasn't there and she was back in the diner.  
  
  
**************************  
  
  
"You did not!" Millie snorted as she brought her hands up to her face to cover her mouth.   
  
Bosco tilted his head back and licked his lips. Faith could tell that he was trying to control the urge to laugh at his own antics. He tried to put on his 'all business tough cop' look, which only made his next statement even funnier.  
  
"Hey, no one in this city pays me to be a marriage counselor."  
  
"That's probably a good thing," Faith pointed out.  
  
She watched the smile spread across Bosco's face and decided it was time to go in for the kill. So she waved her hand at Millie to get her attention. When she was sure Millie was looking at her, Faith turned toward Bosco and enjoyed the sight of him beginning to squirm in his seat because he knew what was next.  
  
"So the guy is standing there and Bosco strolls over to him and nods his head a couple of times at the poor guy then tells him, 'You know pal, if I was in your place I think I wouldn't be worried so much about what my wife said, I think I would care a whole lot more about the fact that you're in the middle of the street without any pants on and proving her point to the whole neighborhood."  
  
Faith couldn't stop the laugh as she watched Bosco grin and drop his chin to his chest and try unsuccessfully to stop himself from laughing. Faith took a couple of deep breaths to try and get some control so she could finish the story  
  
"The guy was so humiliated he just stood there and let Bosco take the bat and cuff him and put him in the car. When Bosco went over the guy's wife to get his pants, she smiled at him and told him she just loved a man that could handle himself and wondered what time he got off and if he was free he could stop by anytime."  
  
Millie stopped laughing and looked from Faith to Bosco she patted her lips a couple of times before she was able to speak. "You didn't?"  
  
Bosco shrugged and looked up at her still laughing.  
  
"He did, he locked her husband up and then took her out for drinks."  
  
Bosco looked up at Faith and raised his hand slightly and laid it on his chest. "Hey, careful you're speaking about the love of my life for two whole weeks."  
  
Millie broke down in laughter again and threw her napkin at Bosco. Faith grabbed her own napkin and threw it at her partner's smug expression.   
  
They were all laughing when the skinny waitress appeared with the check and held it out for someone to grab. Bosco's hand went up to take it but Millie was able to grab it first.  
  
"What do you think you're doing?"   
  
"Hey, I'm the third wheel here tonight at least I can do is pick up the bill."  
  
"Uh uh, no way, hand it over," Bosco said as he made a grab for the check.  
  
Millie smiled at him sweetly and then tilted her head slightly before she said, "Okay, here's the deal: you agree to tell me something and in exchange, I will pay for dinner."  
  
Bosco narrowed his eyes and looked at Millie silently for a couple of seconds. Faith could see him tense up slightly and knew he was trying to figure out where the trap was. He knew it was there but he just didn't know where. He turned his head and looked at Faith, looking for some guidance from his partner. She gave him a quick nod and then he turned back to Millie.  
  
"Okay," he said slowly.  
  
"Why did you want to be a cop?"  
  
Faith was expecting a quick smart-ass answer but he surprised her when he settled back in his chair and looked up at the ceiling. He stared at the ceiling for a moment and then nodded his head slightly. When he tilted his head back down he was looking Faith directly in the eyes. He stared at her for a second then raised a eyebrow slightly as he answered her question.  
  
"I wanted to be useful."  
  
Faith's breath caught in her throat and she forced a smile to her lips. Those horrible words she had said to him would always haunt them. She had apologized; she had told him that she hadn't meant it, that she had been crazy with worry about Fred. He had said it was okay, he had told her he had understood and he wasn't mad at her but she knew her words had hurt him and she didn't know what to do about it.  
  
"You're more than useful, Bosco," she said quietly.  
  
He smiled one of his rare genuinely sweet smiles at her and then dipped his head and nodded.  
  
Millie cleared her throat and Faith turned her head to look at her. She had a confused look on her face, she knew she was missing something but wasn't sure what it was so she just grinned and stood up with the check.  
  
"Well, a deal is deal I get the check."  
  
Bosco stood up quickly and dug in his pocket. "I got the tip."  
  
Millie turned toward the counter and the line of diner's waiting in line for the man behind it to ring up the bills.   
  
"Hang on, I'll go with you." Bosco said to her back. He looked down at Faith and put a hand on her shoulder. "I'm really over that whole thing; I wish you would let yourself off the hook about it."  
  
He squeezed her shoulder then gestured for her to stand and follow him to the counter. Faith got up and followed him to the counter. When they reached the counter she tapped him on the shoulder and pointed over his shoulder toward the front of the diner and the hallway where the bathrooms and phone were.   
  
"I'm going to try and get Charlie on the phone again, it was busy before."  
  
Bosco nodded at her and then turned to Millie and asked her a question. Faith stepped around an elderly couple coming in the door and stepped into the hallway.  
  
She grabbed the phone receiver and dug in her pocket for change. She found some and pushed the coins into the slot and dialed her home number. The phone rang three times before she heard Charlie's hoarse voice. "Hello."  
  
"How are you feeling?"  
  
"Hi, Mom. My throat hurts."  
  
Faith winced at the small whine in her son's voice. "I know, Kiddo, but the medicine your dad got you should make it better soon. Is everything okay?"  
  
"Yes, I locked the door like you said. Dad just called and they are leaving Grandma's house after they eat." She smiled knowing that he was rolling his eyes at that moment.  
  
"I'm sorry you couldn't go, but you don't want to get Grandma sick right after she got out of the hospital."  
  
"It's okay, I didn't want to go. Mom can I ask you something…"  
  
Faith didn't hear Charlie's question because her attention was ripped away from the phone when she heard a woman scream and the loud angry sound of a man shouting from the dinning area.  
  
"SHUT UP!"  
  
Faith dropped the phone and rushed down the short hallway. She stopped at the end of the hallway and peeked around the corner. Two men were standing in the center of the small diner both held small deadly looking machine pistols in their hands.   
  
Faith ducked back around the corner before either of the men spotted her and reached for her gun. She reached for the radio on her shoulder but was suddenly frozen when she heard the next words out of the man.  
  
"Pete you idiot this guy's a cop."   
  
Faith inched closer to the corner of the wall and looked around again. A tall muscular white man with a crew cut stood in the center of the room closest to the counter and Bosco. His partner, a shorter red-head stood a few feet behind him. Both men were pointing their weapons at Bosco.  
  
From her position she could just see Bosco standing next to the counter blocking Millie from their view he had one hand in the air and even though she couldn't see it she knew the other one was on the butt of his gun.  
  
"Okay, guys just calm down. How about just putting the guns down and well just sort all of this out?"   
  
Red-head laughed and looked around at the terrified people sitting at the tables and laughed. "Put my gun down, yeah like that's going to happen. I ain't going to do that. I got it, how about you put your hands up. Cops always telling me to stick my hands in the air I want to see you do it."  
  
Red-head stepped around Crew-cut and walked toward Bosco. Faith strained to see what was happening but Crew-cut stepped forward blocking her view of him. But she heard the unmistakable sound of someone being slapped, a gasp and then the sound of someone hitting the floor.  
  
The second or so of silence that followed was almost unbearable as Faith forced her feet to stay put until she knew exactly what to expect when she stepped out into the diner to help her partner.  
  
"That was stupid move cop, it's two against one here or can't you count."  
  
Faith took a deep breath and stepped around the corner and planted her feet while aiming her gun directly at Crew-cut. Bosco was standing right in front of him with his gun drawn and pointing directly at the guy's head. Red-head popped up off the floor and saw her first.  
  
"Steve, there's another one."   
  
"Tell your partner to put down his gun or I'll blow your head off."  
  
Bosco clicked his tongue then grinned. "The second your finger twitches my partner will make you a smudge on that wall. She's a very good shot so I wouldn't try anything if I was you."  
  
Faith saw the muscle's in crew-cut's back tense and she knew Bosco had somehow hit a nerve. Maybe it was the fact that she was a woman, who knew but he wasn't as confident as he had been a second before.   
  
Red-head took at step toward her and stepped between her and his friend then he pointed his pistol at her.   
  
He looked back over his shoulder at his friend, "I got her Steve, she can't do nothing. Let's just get out of here."  
  
"I think we need to take one of these pretty girls with us to make sure we get out of here in one piece."  
  
Time seemed to slow down for Faith. Red-head was short enough that she could see over his shoulder to Crew-cut and Bosco. Crew-cut stepped forward and tried to grab either Millie or the skinny waitress that were directly behind Bosco.  
  
"I don't think so," Bosco spit out.  
  
Bosco stepped forward and used his gun barrel to force crew-cut to take a step back. As he stumbled back he said something Faith couldn't hear and lunged at Bosco.  
  
Faith then heard Red-head shuffle in front of her. She took the opportunity to rush him and slam him into the table closest to the door. The elderly couple that was sitting at the table looked up in horror at Faith and she shouted at them to get down. She grabbed the front of the man's shirt and tried to grab the gun from his hand.  
  
Then she heard the shot.  
  
Instinct and fear for her partner forced her head around toward the sound and the two men in the center of the room. Faith saw Bosco stumble and take a step back. She heard crew-cut laugh and turn to run. Bosco looked startled for a second, then she saw him raise his gun and fire.  
  
Just as Crew-cut fell forward, Faith felt something slam into the side of her head. Red-head had taken her moment of distraction and used it to swing his pistol at her head. She staggered back and blinked her eyes.  
  
Red-head looked toward his friend then turned and flung the door open and ran out of the Diner. Faith didn't even think as she turned and headed out the door tearing the radio from her shoulder and reporting what had just happened all the time confident that Bosco was right behind her.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
*Expectations and Pain*  
  
  
  
"Hey."  
  
Faith jerked her head up and stared into Fred's eyes.  
  
"Fred?"  
  
"I was asking you if the Chief of Personnel Award was really that big of a deal and you didn't answer me. You okay?"  
  
Faith forced her eyes away from his toward her shoes and nodded. "Yeah, I just kind of spaced for a second."  
  
Faith looked back up at him in time to see him nod at her but he didn't look convinced. "You sure?"  
  
"Yes I'm sure, just drop it okay."  
  
Fred stiffened slightly then turned back to the stage.  
  
Faith took a deep breath and tried to calm herself. She looked down at her hands and saw that they were trembling in her lap. She squeezed them into a fist and forced herself to stare up at Mayor Bloomberg who was now stepping to the podium.  
  
The new Cadets were applauding and many of the friends and relatives in the seats around the stage had stood and were applauding too.  
  
Faith glanced down at the rows of cadets. All of them had smiles on their faces. She tried to remember what she had been feeling at her Graduation Ceremony and was surprised when she couldn't remember. She studied a few of the Cadets closest to her and saw the nervous and expectant smiles on their faces. Each one of them couldn't wait to get out there on the streets and show the world their stuff. Unfortunately each and every one of them was totally unprepared for what the world would show them.   
  
Faith closed her eyes for a moment when she opened them again she searched out Millie in the crowd of faces. Faith was surprised to see the young woman smiling back up at her from her seat. Faith attempted a small smile then returned her attention to the podium and tried to force herself to concentrate.  
  
"Good afternoon, it's a great honor to be here today and preside over this Graduation Ceremony. As police officers, you will be in the most fundamental sense civil rights workers. You will be the guardians of your City's hopes and dreams. It is your turn to lead. You will be the heroes of tomorrow. Your fellow New Yorkers will look to you, not only to preserve the peace, but to provide a personal example of excellence and integrity. It is an expectation that I know you will do your best to meet and exceed."  
  
Faith turned back to the happy faces and couldn't help the sadness that overwhelmed her. The Cadets were all so eager to get out there where they thought they would be welcomed with open arms. Sometimes the world was not a very kind place and the only way to really find that out was by experiencing it yourself.   
  
  
****************************  
  
  
Faith grabbed her radio and repeated their location again. "Repeat Shot's fired. One suspect in a dark blue Chevy impala he is armed with an automatic machine pistol."  
  
She could hear the sound of a siren nearby and then the squawk of her radio telling her that a unit was in pursuit. When she turned, she was surprised that Bosco wasn't behind her. She glanced at the squad to make sure he wasn't inside about ready to take off without her.   
  
That was when a chill shuddered through her and she turned and charged into the diner. The elderly couple that she had shouted to get on the ground moments before was still sitting silently on the floor in each other's arms crying.  
  
Faith turned from them and searched the crowd for her partner. Crew-cut was sprawled on the floor in the center of the room with a pool of blood slowly forming around him. Faith looked down at him and quickly looked away when she realized Bosco had got him in the head and half the man's face was now unrecognizable.   
  
She turned to the counter and saw the small crowd that was gathered near it. She stepped toward it expecting and at the same time hoping to hear Bosco's familiar bellow at any minute commanding everyone to stand back.   
  
She pushed through the crowd and froze at the sight before her.  
  
Millie was on her knees at Bosco's side. He was lying on his back his eyes were open but they were focused on some point above him on the ceiling. The glassy look of his eyes startled her and she had to force her eyes to take in the entire scene. His shirt was open and Millie was clawing at the straps of his vest. She managed to rip the Velcro and throw the vest that had been useless against the high powered weapon out of the way.  
  
Millie was squeezing Bosco's hand with one hand and pressing her other hand to his chest in an attempt to stop the blood that was flowing to quickly from his motionless body. Faith must have made a noise because Millie jerked her head up at her with a pained look on her face.   
  
"She's here. I told you she would be back." Faith heard Millie whisper to him.  
  
Faith's hand went to the radio at her shoulder, with trembling fingers she found the button and squeezed it tightly. "Officer down, officer down! This is, 55-David, requesting a bus immediately, Officer down!"  
  
Then she sank to her knees beside him. The sound of his ragged breath as he struggled to breathe overwhelmed her. She just stared at him hoping that the alarm would go off and all of this would be some horrible nightmare. But her heart told her it was real and forced herself into action.  
  
"Let me," she says quietly to Millie who moved aside.   
  
Someone handed her a towel and she pressed it firmly to his chest applying pressure against the flow of blood.  
  
"Bosco, hang in there. Okay?" she pleaded.  
  
He moaned slightly and lifted his hand limply toward his chest trying to bat her hand away.  
  
She was hurting him, oh god; she was hurting him.  
  
"I'm sorry…I'm sorry," she whispered trying to hold onto what little control she still had.   
  
She forced her fingers to press harder even though she was hurting him and every instinct she has was yelling for her to stop.  
  
He rolled his head to the side and looked at her vacantly for a moment before a look of recognition flooded his eyes. She tried to smile but failed.  
  
"S'okay," he slurred.   
  
It's not okay! she wanted to shout. How could he tell her it's okay? She was hurting him, didn't he know that? How can kneeling on the floor trying to hold his blood in his body be okay?  
  
Faith tried to ignore the endless questions and thoughts in her head but she couldn't.  
  
Where is the damn ambulance?   
  
Why is this happening?   
  
She tried but wasn't able to silence the small quivering voice in her head that was telling her that there was too much blood.   
  
His eyes were clouded with pain but he managed to lock them on her. He tried to smile but instead he began to violently cough. His squeezed his eyes shut as he gasped for breath.   
  
She grabbed his hand and squeezed tightly, wishing she could make it easier for him somehow. Tears started to flood her eyes and she had to blink several times in an effort to stop them. He opened his eyes and looked at her.  
  
"It's okay," he said again, this time a little stronger than the last, but she could see that the small effort of those two words took all of his strength. He grimaced as his eyes slid shut again and she watched him swallow painfully.  
  
Nothing was okay. Her Partner, her best friend was dying, nothing was okay.  
  
She squeezed his hand harder trying to get him to open his eyes again and look at her. She refused to let him give up. "Hey, listen to me!" She squeezed his hand and watched as he slowly opened his eyes to look at her again. "The bus is coming. You're going to be just fine. You hear me. They are going to patch you up good as new and it will be no time before your back out here busting heads."  
  
Tears were now flowing down her cheeks. A sudden chill crept down her spine when she saw a defeated look appear in his eyes.  
  
"You can't give up, promise me," she begged.   
  
He licked his lips and then swallowed, tilting his head slightly, he looked at her intently.  
  
"Bosco, please promise me, you're going to be fine."  
  
Then she felt him lightly squeeze her hand and a weak smile appeared on his face.  
  
She couldn't stop the grin that took over her face. He's going to make it, he's too stubborn not to now. Another spasm of coughing took control of him and his grip on her hand weakened.   
  
She could hear a siren stop out front and knew that another cop had arrived. She pulled her eyes from Bosco long enough to look over her shoulder at Sully as he came to a sudden stop behind her. His expression changed quickly from one of concern to fear as he looked at her. His eyes darted to the ground behind her then back at her. His lips parted like he is going to say something but instead he just rushed to her.  
  
When he reached her he managed to say, "Faith the bus is right behind us."  
  
She heard Davis's low voice break as he gasped, "Bosco!"  
  
Faith turned back to Bosco. She could hear the whispering of the crowd behind her. She tried to ignore them but she could hear the hushed voices; 'He's bad'. Then another, 'He's not going to make it.'  
  
She was about to turn on them and yell at them to leave them alone they don't know anything when Davis's angry voice sounded from behind her. "Get back, everyone outside. Don't make me tell you more than once."   
  
Then he yelled, "I see the bus! It's here!"  
  
Someone handed her another towel. She let go of Bosco's hand long enough to slide the new white towel over the ugly crimson one under her still shaking hand and took his hand again. His face is now pale and sweat soaked. Tears are leaking down the side of his face, and he was struggling to open his eyes.   
  
"Faith..."   
  
His breathing had become louder and harsher. Each breath sounded painful to her ears.  
  
"Ssh, ssh, don't try to talk." She squeezed his hand and smiles when she felt a light squeeze in return. "You have to hang it there. Just a few more minutes, they're going to take you to Mercy."  
  
She heard Doc's voice behind her as he came through the door of the diner shouting to Faith that he was coming.  
  
Bosco's eyes were barely open and she could tell he was fighting for that much, "Don't go."   
  
The light pressure from his hand is gone now.   
  
"I'm not going anywhere." She sobbed. "Oh, God, Bos, please just a few more seconds. Just a few more seconds, don't you dare leave me; I can't do this without you."   
  
Their eyes locked and he managed to smile up at her for just a moment.  
  
"I'm sorry," he whispered.  
  
Then his eyes slowly closed and his hand went limp in her grasp. She squeezed his hand harder trying to force his eyes to open again. "Bos…please?" she whimpered as fresh tears fell from her eyes.  
  
Just as Doc fell down on his knees beside her she realized he had stopped breathing.   
  
"He's not... Doc, do something."   
  
"Faith, you need to move, let me help him."   
  
Sully pulled her to her feet and she stumbled back into his arms. "Faith, let them work."  
  
"I got cardiac arrest!" Carlos shouted.  
  
"No, please God no." Faith whispered.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
*Heroes and Tears*  
  
  
  
"Faith, snap out of it, you're starting to scare the shit out of me."  
  
Faith blinked quickly several times and found she was looking into Fred's concerned eyes. "What are you talking about?"  
  
"You," he said quietly then reached up and gently touched her face. She pulled her face away from his hand and watched as a frown appeared on his face.  
  
"You're back there, aren't you?"  
  
Faith gulped air and nodded her head yes. She could feel the tears threatening to spill out of her eyes so she raised her hand and wiped them roughly away.   
  
"This wasn't a good idea, I think maybe someone else can go up there and get it."  
  
The Medal.  
  
She had almost let herself forget. She had tried to push it away into the back of her mind because she wasn't sure how she was going to be able to do it. How could she get up in front of thousands of strangers and accept it on his behalf, knowing in her heart that if he was here and able to walk up and accept it for himself he probably wouldn't have gotten it in the first place.  
  
Faith violently shook her head. "No, I have to."  
  
"Why?" he asked, then shook his head at something he saw in her expression. "Sully will go, let Sully go." Fred pleaded.  
  
"No. He was my partner," Faith said slowly and catching his eyes she took a deep breath and continued. "This is for Bosco; he's not here. So it's up to me to do this for him."  
  
Faith glanced up at the stage wondering if she had time to go to the bathroom and try and calm down before she would be expected to go up on stage but saw that Senator Allen and Commissioner Howard were both looking at her and she knew that there wouldn't be enough time.   
  
"I'm fine," she lied.  
  
"Sure you are."  
  
Faith jumped at the sound of music swelling. Then she felt a gentle squeeze on her shoulder and turned to see Sully leaning behind Fred and giving her an encouraging smile.   
  
Bloomberg waited until the music died down and Police Commissioner Howard stood and stepped forward and stopped next to him. Commissioner Howard was the one that took possession of the microphone.  
  
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to have everyone's attention please. The next presentation on the schedule for today is something that is a little out of the ordinary. Every new Cadet sitting in here this afternoon knows that every year the police department has a Medal Day Ceremony."  
  
Faith took a deep breath and scanned the crowd until she saw Millie. She was looking up at her with a smile on her face but her eyes were bright with what might have been tears.  
  
'It's going to be fine' she mouthed to Faith.  
  
Faith swallowed quickly to dislodge the sob that caught in her throat and then turned her attention back to the stage.  
  
"This year Senator Allen requested that we present one medal at this time instead of at the regular Medal Day Ceremony. I have the honor today to present The New York City Police Department Medal of Honor to police officer Maurice Boscorelli."  
  
The Commissioner looked briefly into the stands where she was sitting. Then he returned his attention to the crowd in front of him.  
  
That wasn't the entire truth. Bosco had already been giving a medal on the last medal day. Angela had gone up on stage just three weeks after burying her son to accept the New York City Police Department Purple Shield. Faith also knew that Senator Allen was the one that got the ball rolling for an additional medal, followed closely behind by the cops of the 55th.  
  
"At this time I would like to invite Sergeant Faith Yokas to come and join me on stage."  
  
Faith let out another slow breath, stood, and walked carefully down the steps to the stage. The Commissioner continued his speech but Faith blocked out whatever he was saying and concentrated on making it down the stairs without falling on her ass. Of course that would give the two thousand or more pairs of eyes staring at her something to look at.   
  
When she made it to the stage she climbed the stairs and stood next to Commissioner Howard. He gave her a comforting smile then looked back to the podium in front of him. A few index cards were laid out on the surface and right next to them Faith could see a blue velvet box. She couldn't tear her eyes from the box she knew what was inside but she was dreading the second that he opened it.  
  
The Commissioner cleared his throat, shuffled a card to the top of his pile, and then continued with his speech as Faith stared at the small box.  
  
"The Police Department Medal of Honor is the highest honor New York City has to give. This medal is given for acts of gallantry and valor performed with the knowledge of the risk involved. It is given for service above and beyond the call of duty."  
  
He shuffled another card to the top as he continued.  
  
"On September 30, 2003 Officer Boscorelli and his partner then Officer Yokas confronted two armed men in a crowded diner. Officer Boscorelli engaged in conversation with the two men placing himself between the two criminals and the innocent civilians inside the diner. When the situation escalated Officer Boscorelli neutralized one of the two gunmen after he himself had been fatally shot."  
  
Faith blinked and took a slow shaky breath. She closed her eyes briefly forcing tears away. How could one of the worst moments of her life be reduced to so few words?  
  
When she opened her eyes Commissioner Howard was smiling at her "Sergeant Yokas is present today to accept this medal on behalf of Officer Boscorelli."  
  
Mayor Bloomberg was opening the blue box and handing it to her. Faith extended a trembling hand and was able to whisper 'Thank-you' as she took the box without looking inside.  
  
She shook each of their hands and then she turned and shook each of the Chief's hands. As Commissioner Howard turned back to the audience Faith tuned him out and turned to flee the stage and found herself eye to eye with Senator Allen.   
  
He took her hand in both of his as he leaned his head close to her and said softly, "I know it's not nearly enough for what you lost. I hope you allow it to bring some comfort." Faith felt a soft squeeze of her hand. "I will never forget his sacrifice and yours that day, if you ever need anything ask and it is yours."  
  
Faith smiled up at him and felt a lone tear slide down her face. She could only nod her head up at him because her voice had abandoned her. He smiled back at her and squeezed her hand one last time then he turned and returned to his seat.  
  
Without realizing what she was doing Faith was down the stairs and blindly making her way down the aisle clutching the blue box tightly. Instead of climbing the stairs to her seat Faith was pulled toward a brightly-lit 'EXIT' sign.  
  
She was almost halfway down the hall before she even thought about where she was going. The only thing registering was the voice in her head telling her she had to get out of here. Somehow she found herself outside the Garden and waving madly at passing cabs. One stopped in front of her and she got in telling the man the first place that came to her.   
  
When they were moving Faith wiped absently at the wetness on her face and looked down at the small velvet box in her hand for the first time.  
  
A gold star with the seal of New York rested in the center of the box. The green ribbon attached to the star had twelve white stars on it. A gold bar with the word 'VALOR' in bold print held it to the top of the box. Faith brought her hand up and ran her fingers along the bar; she then pulled it loose from the box and let the box fall into her lap.   
  
As she held the bar loosely between the fingers of her left hand she ran the fingers of her right hand down to the textured ribbon, she fingered each star then let her fingers slide slowly to the medal itself. Her fingers ran along the edges for a minute then she gently turned the medal over and laid it her left hand. Engraved in small block letter's Faith read 'Maurice Boscorelli --September 30, 2003'.  
  
Faith closed her eyes and gave in to the tears.  
  
************************************   
  
"Faith, he's going to be fine," Millie said from the backseat of the RMP as they flew down a side street trying to keep Doc's bus in sight.  
  
"Yeah Faith, Doc got him back in the diner."  
  
Faith didn't answer she just closed her eyes and muttered 'Don't go' over and over to herself.  
  
Faith grabbed the door handle and pushed the door open as soon as Sully slid to a stop in Mercy's ambulance bay. Sully called to her but she just ignored him as she rushed toward the already open back doors of the bus.  
  
Dr. Fields and several other ER nurses rushed past her. Everyone was shouting and then she heard Doc's voice over the crowd.   
  
"Carlos, up top!"  
  
She was about to step forward when she felt a hand on her right elbow. She glanced to her right and saw Millie standing silently next to her. That's when the crowd surged back and Sully pulled her gently back out of the way.  
  
Bosco's stretcher was pushed quickly past her and toward the door with Faith, Millie and Sully right behind them. Carlos was perched on top continuing his compressions. Faith, Sully and Millie followed the surge of emergency workers into the ER.   
  
The small procession slammed through the double doors and into the Trauma Room. Faith could hear Doc shouting over the voices of the nurses trying to give Dr. Fields the information he needed. She didn't understand all the short terms and abbreviations but  
her heart dropped when she heard Doc say that he had coded again in the bus.  
  
She stopped at the entrance to the room and watched as Dr. Fields shouted orders to the nurses around him above all the noise in the room the high pitched squeal of the heart monitor was excruciating.   
  
"Doc, why is there so much damage? What happened to his vest? Wasn't he wearing his vest?"  
  
"Yeah, he was. I looked at it at the scene it's chewed up pretty bad; but it probably slowed the bullet down quite a bit."  
  
From where she was standing she couldn't see Bosco because a nurse was blocking her view. Voices rose as everyone in the room tried desperately to bring him back.  
  
"You stubborn…Alice go ahead with the Epie."  
  
All heads swiveled to look at the monitor. But the flat green line and squeal continued to taunt everyone in the room.  
  
"Time someone give me a time?"  
  
"Four minutes."  
  
"Want a cart?"  
  
"No, his chest trauma is too severe. Let's open him up."  
  
"Down here?"  
  
"That's what I said. Now get me the damn kit."  
  
Faith watched as one of the nurses moved off toward the far corner of the room and for the first time she had a clear view of her partner, her friend. He still had the neck collar on that Doc had put on him in the diner. His skin was pale against the blue plastic of the tube that they had intubated him with.   
  
The nurse came back and handed something to Dr. Fields. Faith strained to see what he had and realized that it was a scalpel, as she stood there he cut into Bosco's chest. Faith gasped and may have even muttered 'Bosco' she wasn't sure. Dr. Fields stopped and their eyes connected for just a second before Dr. Fields bent back over Bosco's chest and Faith closed her eyes.  
  
When she opened them again Doc was standing in front of her.  
  
"Faith, you can't be here."   
  
"I'm not going anywhere," she told him defiantly. When he didn't step back she planted her feet and said in a low serious tone. "You don't even want to try and make me move."  
  
He glanced up over her shoulder at Sully and then back down at her. Doc stepped away and Faith felt Sully gently but forcefully pull her sideways toward him. She locked her jaw and turned her head back toward the room and the only thing that mattered to her at that moment, Bosco.  
  
"Faith, please…look at me."  
  
Faith felt the anger and fear flowing in her and she wasn't about to let anyone take her from the one place that she should be right now. But something in his voice made her slowly turn her head toward him to look him in the eye.   
  
Sully looked like he was barely keeping it together. His voice held a slight quiver and that was what had pulled at Faith. Sully took a deep breath and gave her a half smile.  
  
"Faith, you don't need to be here."  
  
She stood there for a minute listening to the whine of the machine and the shouts of the ER staff and she felt the anger disappear, leaving only fear. When she didn't move, Sully took her arm and gently led her across the room to a row of chairs next to the door.   
  
When she reached the chairs, she sat. Sully sat down next to her and took her hand and they both locked their eyes on the silent activity of the Trauma Room across the hall.   
  
"Faith."  
  
The voice startled her and she jerked away from it before she realized the voice was familiar, Nurse Proctor was squatted in front of her.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I need to look at your head."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You're bleeding."  
  
"I am?"  
  
Then she remembered one of them had hit her when she turned toward Bosco. Faith raised a hand to her temple and pulled it away staring at the fresh blood on her fingers. Then she looked at the older drying blood and started to shake.   
  
Her hands were bloody. Oh God! Bosco's blood was all over her.  
  
"Faith, how about you come with me and wash up."  
  
Faith continued to shake but she shook her head no. "I'm not going anywhere."   
  
Proctor smiled at her and nodded her head and then wiped the cut on her temple and put a bandage over it.  
  
"I don't think you'll need stitches, we can get someone to look at it later, okay?"  
  
Faith nodded and turned slightly to see a worried Lieutenant Swersky come through the sliding doors. He scanned the crowd then locked eyes with Faith and smiled and nodded to her as he walked to the growing crowd.  
  
"What's the word?"  
  
"Nothing yet, they're working on him now." Davis answered.  
  
Swersky bobbed his head and then cleared his throat. "We got the other guy, gave himself up without a fight three blocks over."  
  
"That's good news," Doc said  
  
"Ms. Stallard, how you holding up?"  
  
Faith turned her head a little to look at Millie who had squeezed herself onto the seat next to Faith. Millie looked terrified, her cheeks were streaked with tears but she bit her bottom lip and half smiled at the Lieutenant.  
  
"I'm fine, Sir."  
  
Faith reached out her still trembling hand and took Millie's hand in hers. She smiled at her and then turned her attention back to the room across the hall.  
  
Faith was the first to see Dr. Fields step around the table and head for the door. She forced herself to her feet and took a couple of steps toward him. Millie and Sully stood on each of her sides as they waited for him to cross to them.   
  
Dr. Fields stopped in front of the group and tried to smile. Faith knew right then without him opening his mouth what he was going to say.  
  
"No," she pleaded.  
  
Dr. Fields took a deep breath and looked at each of the people before him then returned his gaze to Faith.  
  
"I'm sorry, we tried. We thought we had him but there was just too much damage, too much blood loss. I'm so sorry."  
  
Faith shuddered then shook her head again. "No, please, no."  
  
Dr. Fields took her hand and squeezed it gently. "I'm sorry Faith, he's gone."  
  
Faith felt the tears as they sprang from her eyes and started down her face. She continued to stand there looking at Dr. Fields and shaking her head. Someone pulled her gently backward and she let herself be pulled toward the chair she had been sitting in moments before.   
  
"This can't be happening," she whispered to herself.   
  
Not Bosco, Bosco doesn't die.  
  
Doc was sitting next to her, holding her hand and talking to her quietly, but she wasn't listening. She looked up to see Sully wipe his eyes. She gently pulled her hand from Doc and stood she was a couple of steps across the hall before she felt the first hand on her shoulder trying to pull her back.  
  
"Faith, please don't," Sully pleaded  
  
She pulled herself from his grasp and stumbled across the hall into the trauma room before anyone tried to stop her again.   
  
"Faith, don't go in there!" Millie called after her.  
  
Faith stopped at the edge of the room and fought the tears that were treating to come back.  
  
A nurse was beside the bed, she was removing tubes from Bosco's arms and neck. When the nurse moved Faith's gaze fell on Bosco. His eyes were closed and he looked quiet and peaceful. Faith took a wobbly step closer and studied his pale skin. The nurse had pulled the sheet up to his neck but it didn't hide the ugly hole Faith knew was there and she began to tremble.  
  
"He's gone," Protor whispered in her ear as she placed an arm around her.  
  
"No, he can't be."  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
Faith's shoulders began to shake as she let grief take over her. Her legs gave way and Proctor supported her as they both sunk to the floor. Faith clung to the nurse as she sobbed and stared at a puddle of Bosco's blood a few feet away.  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
*Painful Memories and New Beginnings*  
  
  
  
"Sergeant, are you sure you want to do this? Maybe you should come back later."  
  
Faith took a deep breath and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and carefully fastened the Medal back in it's box and snapped the lid before she looked up at the concerned cabbie. "I'm fine," she told him as she fished for money in her pocket  
  
"Sure you are."  
  
When she realized she didn't have any she glanced back up at him and gave him a small apologetic smile.  
  
"Don't worry about it." He shook his head and waved his hand at her.   
  
"Thank-you," she told him as she pulled open the door and stepped out of the backseat clutching the small blue box to her chest.  
  
"You're welcome" she heard him say as he pulled away from the curb.  
  
Faith turned and pulled open the gates of the cemetery. She knew the way to his grave without thinking. Ten rows back turn right for three rows and turn left just past the statue of the Angel holding flowers. His was the second stone on the left.  
  
The stone itself was simple, grey with the name 'BOSCORELLI' in bold type across the top. Under that Maurice was engraved with the date 1970-2003.   
  
Faith knelt and ran her fingers over the four words engraved under the two dates.  
  
Beloved Son and Friend  
  
She didn't know how long she had been there when she heard the creak of the gate and then a few minutes later the sound of footsteps as they neared then stopped behind her. Faith didn't have to turn to know that it Millie.  
  
"How are you doing?" Millie asked  
  
Faith ignored her question and ran her finger over the stone again, then lowered her head to look at the plastic plant that she had brought out the last time she had visited.  
  
"Maybe you can help me." Faith asked quietly. "You just graduated from the Academy. In all the classes you took and all those lectures you sat through did anyone tell you the meaning of above and beyond the call of duty?"  
  
Faith turned and looked over her shoulder at Millie who just shook her head.  
  
"No," Millie answered softly.  
  
Faith turned and looked at the box she let it fall from her fingers and watched it as it hit the grass and rolled over to come to rest on top of his grave.  
  
"We were just eating lunch," she whispered.  
  
"It's okay to be mad at him, Faith."  
  
Faith jerked her head up and twisted to look at Millie. She had taken a couple of steps and was now standing at the foot of the grave.  
  
"Mad?" Faith tried to laugh as she pulled herself up and shook her head slightly as she gave Millie a confused look. "I'm not mad."  
  
Millie swallowed and looked Faith directly in the eye. "Yes, you are."  
  
Faith snorted then blew out a deep breath of air and tipped her head back until she saw the clouds above her.   
  
Was she mad? She searched her feelings trying to pin down anything that wasn't overwhelming sadness.   
  
"It's natural to be mad, Faith, he left and you're pissed."  
  
When Faith bent her head back forward to face Millie she was surprised that as she heard the words a rush of anger and hurt coursed through her making her shiver.  
  
"You're wrong!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"It's not because he left." She turned away and looked back at the grey stone. She played his last words to her in her mind. "He broke his promise," she said softly. "My best friend in the world, the person I trusted more than anyone ever before made me a promise he knew was a lie."  
  
Her voice had gradually gotten louder until all of a sudden she was yelling at the stone in front of her.   
  
"You promised! Why did you do that to me?"  
  
Her head fell forward and she looked down at her clenched fists as she gulped in air trying to ease the queasy feeling in her stomach and weakness of her legs. The anger she had felt drained away and was replaced by guilt for being angry with him.  
  
Faith felt a hand on her shoulder. She jerked away from it and turned on the young woman flinging her hands in the air to keep her away. Millie's cheeks were wet from tears that she made no effort to stop.  
  
"He told me that he would always be there for me."   
  
"He loved you. Faith, he didn't want to leave."  
  
Faith stared at her for a few seconds ,then dropped to her knees. Millie took a few steps closer then fell to her knees beside her. Faith turned to look at the stone for a few seconds then turned back.   
  
She sniffed and took a deep breath, "His last words to me were, I'm sorry. He's dying and all he can do is lay there and tell me he's sorry. Why would he do that?"  
  
"He wanted to protect you."   
  
Faith sighed and ran her hand over the top of her head. "How did he think he could do that?"  
  
Millie looked away for a second then turned back. She let her eyes drift over to the stone and stare at the words.  
  
"Before you came back into the diner he made me promise that you would get through it."  
  
What? Why would he do that? Then the answer hit her and she felt her stomach tightening as if someone had just hit her in the chest. She recalled the chill that  
went through her when the defeated look had appeared in his eyes.   
  
He knew he knew he was going to die and he tried to make me feel better. Why did you think you had to do that Bosco?  
  
"I can't believe he did that," Faith whispered as she bent over and picked the blue box up off the grass and carefully brushed away the dirt. "He was a great guy, a little to full of himself sometime, well actually a whole lot of the time but he did have a soft center if you cared enough to look for it."  
  
Faith sighed deeply. "I just can't believe he's gone. He was so much a part of my life one day and then the next he was gone. All that's left is a medal that he would have hated getting and a stone with his name on it."  
  
Faith looked at Millie's clenched jaw and the fresh tears that were forming in her eyes. When she turned to look at Faith she saw how much effort it was taking to keep the tears from coming.  
  
"Do you remember when we were in the bathroom and you asked me why I wanted to be a cop?"  
  
Faith nodded even though she was confused by the sudden change of subject.  
  
"I told you that I wanted to be a cop because my grandfather actually my entire family said I couldn't do it." She took a deep breath and then looked down at her uniform. "I guess at that point in time that was the reason I wanted to be a cop. But after that night after what he told me and after I watched him… I realized that I wanted…"   
  
"What did you want?"  
  
Millie took a deep breath and continued. "After Bosco was shot everyone came together, everyone cared about everyone. I wasn't even a cop but I was just accepted. I know it was because I happened to be there when something horrible happened to all of you, but everyone, Sully and Davis even all the paramedics they all still made me feel so welcome and I knew that's what I wanted."  
  
"What did you want?" Faith repeated.  
  
"I wanted a family, I wanted to belong and I wanted to help people and make a difference like I saw Bosco and you do."  
  
Faith leaned forward and took Millie in her arms and held her. After a while Millie pulled back from her and wiped her eyes with her sleeve.  
  
Faith smiled her first real smile in a very long time and pointed a finger at her. "Well, now you're stuck with us so you better get use to it. I guess we should be heading back before they get worried."  
  
Millie grinned and stood up then turned and helped Faith to her feet. Faith slipped the blue box into her uniform pocket and then they both looked at the grave one last time turned and started for the gate.  
  
"I don't have a car; we'll have to get a cab," Faith said as they got close to the gate.  
  
"Well actually I have a car."   
  
Faith nodded then pulled open the gate to see a RMP sitting on the curb next to the gate. She pursed her lips and turned to look at Millie who had suddenly become interested in a scrawny cat that was lying next to the gate.  
  
"Millie."  
  
Millie turned and sheepishly shrugged her shoulders. "I borrowed it from the Graduation; there was a whole line of them. I couldn't get a cab so I thought we could just return it before anyone noticed it."  
  
Faith groaned and then suddenly started to laugh. Bosco would have loved that. When she looked up at Millie, she laughed even harder at the confused look on her face. When she finally recovered she reached up to her collar and unfastened the small pin at its point. She fingered it for a few minutes then held it out to Millie.  
  
"I want you to have this."  
  
Millie took the pin and held it up. Faith swallowed as the sunlight caught the NYPD pin. Millie looked up at her with confusion in her eyes.  
  
"I don't understand."  
  
Faith lifted her chin a little and said, "It was Bosco's."  
  
Millie shook her head and thrust it back at Faith. "No, I couldn't, I mean this was his you should be the one to have it."  
  
Faith took it from her but then stepped forward and pinned it to the empty collar point of Millie's uniform. Millie raised her hand and ran her fingers over the letters as Faith stepped back and looked at the pin in its new home.  
  
"It looks good, like it belongs there. It's kind of like passing on the torch. I know Bosco would approve."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Let's just say that I think you are going to be a great cop as long as you can keep yourself out of trouble."  
  
Millie smiled. "Thank-you Faith, I'll make sure I take good care of it."   
  
They both nodded at each other then Millie turned to get into the RMP.   
  
"Millie."  
  
Millie twisted around to look over the top of the car at Faith.  
  
"When we return this why don't you let me do the talking, I've had some experience in this sort of thing."  
  
Millie nodded her head at the gates of the cemetery.  
"You were wrong before."  
  
Faith tilted her head slightly when Millie looked back at her with a small smile.  
  
"You said you didn't have anything left. But you do have something else, Faith, you have good memories. That makes you pretty lucky."  
  
Millie ducked into the RMP and Faith glanced back at the gate one more time before she opened the door and climbed into the passenger seat.  
  
As Millie pulled away Faith took a deep breath and for the first time since that night she knew that she was going to make it. Faith slipped her hand in her pocket and ran her fingers over the soft box as she leaned back into the seat and watched the world outside her window blur.  
  
**********************************  
  
Faith looked around the gym at all the cadets standing in twos talking to each other. Great, just her luck everyone already had a partner and she would be the odd ball standing in the corner trying to figure out how to learn self-defense by herself.  
  
Then she saw the door on the opposite side of the gym swing open and short muscular guy jog in. He glanced around at everyone and then stopped when he spied her by herself across the room. He pulled at his t-shirt as he walked across the room toward her.  
  
He stopped a few feet from her and bobbed his head once then rubbed his palm on his shorts and stuck it out toward her.  
  
"I'm Boscorelli, um Maurice Boscorelli."  
  
Faith took his hand and shook it.   
  
"Faith Yokas, nice to meet you Maurice"  
  
He grimaced. "Call me Bosco, looks like we're stuck together."  
  
"Yeah, looks that way."  
  
He suddenly grinned at her and she saw a mischievous glint come to his eyes as he leaned a little closer to her.  
  
"Don't worry, I'll grow on you."  
  
With that he turned and walked toward the center of the gym. When he turned and motioned her to follow him she had the weirdest feeling that he was telling the truth. She just shook her head and followed her new partner to the exercise mat.  
  
  
*THE END* 


End file.
